Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Question is: What title do I earn?

Posted on Facebook on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 5:28pm
Today is C's birthday, and the "only thing" she wanted for her birthday was for me to bring her Chik-Fil-A for lunch at school.  Notice I used quotes there.  If there is one thing I have heard about 72 times in the past month is the "only thing I want is..." Amazingling enough, if you add up all of her "only things," somehow you get an answer greater than one...But anyways, she really wanted me to come to lunch.  Now I haven't made it in for lunch YET, so I felt like I really owed it to her.  What can I say?  I can't imagine what keeps me busy all day...I guess it's all the bon-bons I'm eating...

So I was up late last night tagging for a consignment sale coming up, but I was determined to get up on time.  I dragged my butt out of bed and got dressed, then I went to get the twins up.  Yes, before you inhale in shock, I was bringing the twins.  My mother had the audacity to schedule a hair appointment without reading my mind (I know, what is she thinking having her own life?!?).  My DH couldn't take the time off of work.  His lame excuse?  "I might get in trouble at work." So it's up to me and the girls to handle this "only thing."  The twins got up and got moving relatively quickly (for snails, I guess), and we got out the door on time.  One problem: rain.

I'm not talking a sweet little April shower on May flowers sort of thing.  I'm talking, "Where's Noah and his Ark when you neeed him?"  Here is the disadvantage with twins: if you need to run to the car with a child, you have to do it twice.  You have to stand hanging half out of the door getting rained on twice as long with a singleton.  So just getting them in the car I was DRENCHED.  But I'm determined to handle this "only thing."  We drove to Chik-Fil-A.  As we got closer, the rain and wind came harder, and I started to wonder if monsoons could happen in Georgia.  I inch down the road to find that there is a six car wreck taking up two out of four lanes.  I planned 25 minutes to get 2.7 miles down the road and get CFA.  Seriously?  I've done it in less than 10.  But of course, this morning, I'm no longer pleasing a child, I'm embarking on a major quest!

Finally I get to CFA!  I did it!  I made it!  I still have to order, get the food, get to the school, get the kids inside, find her class in the lunchroom...hey, it's the small victories in life, right?  So I order.  By now the rain is coming SIDEWAYS.  I'm under the cover, but the rain is coming IN my window.  The associate in the window is YELLING questions at me over the roar of the rain and wind - "DO YOU WANT KETCHUP?"..."WHAT?"  So I get the food, inch my way to the school, and luckily managed to make it less than three miles in 20 minutes.  YAY!  But now I'm seriously wondering if my van is going to float away.  Somehow I have to get the food, the cookies, the twins, and myself into the school without drowning.  No, I'm not even attempting to stay dry, just to stay breathing.

I park at the drop-off zone...where the ONLY covered spot is taken by a man just sitting in his car.  Sure, definitely you need it more over someone with kids and stuff to...I don't know...DROP OFF!!  I grab Twin A, dash into the school, set her on the ground, and dash back out.  On my way out the door, I hear the secretary in front saying, "Ummm...Excuse me?  What?"  I grab B, dash back in, and set her down.  The secretary looked SO relieved.  I told her, "No, not abandoning my kids, just getting the second one."  I asked her if she could watch the girls so I could move the car, and she agrees.  I come back with the cooler of food.  I swear to you, not only is there a puddle around me, but when I stick my hands in my pockets I find an inch of standing water.  I promise, I'm not lying.  I said to the secretary, "How do I look?"  She says, "If you were being tried as a witch, you'd be innocent."  (There's your cerebral humor for the day.)

When the twins are in unfamiliar territory the tend to walk rather slowly.  Snails were setting landspeed records around us.  I manage to convince them to walk soggily into the cafeteria, but I can't find C.  Then a little girl in her class looks up and starts screaming my daughter's name across the room.  Suddenly the entire cafteria is ringing with her name as ALL the kids in the room yell for her.  The twins don't know what to do, so they turn and try to run away.  B, who is on my left goes across me and tries to run away on my right.  A, on my left, executes a similar maneuver, and now I'm tangled in the leashes.  I go down (with an audible SPLAT), look up, and C is standing in front of my LAUGHING.  OK, moms, you know right now that she's very lucky I decided not to strangle her for being so ungrateful.  After a moment, I joined in, too.

When you come to eat with your child, you get to sit up on the stage so everyone can watch you enjoy your food.  The twins were actually willing to sit still on chairs and eat quietly.  I think they were so overwhelmed by the kids and the noise they couldn't figure out what to do with themselves!  Everyone "oohed" and "ahhed" over them and over C's birthday.  Now it's time to leave.  I've finally stopped dripping, although I look like forgot to put my clothing in the dryer.  We go to the front lobby...and it's barely raining.  Of course, as soon as I got in the cafeteria it all quit.  So I leave the girls inside with the secretary again, run out to the car, drive around, get the twins in the car, start driving home...and I can't see the car in front of me again...apparently the rain gods were saving it until I got back out.

Talk about a harrowing and heroic day!!  Best of all, I got home and discovered that in addition to putting my physical butt in danger I put my mortal soul in jeopardy as well.  Catholics, I must confess...I ate chicken on Ash Wednesday.  Yes, as one friend said, I'm going to the carnivorous circle of hell...And YES, I feel guilty about it.  The worst part is she wants to go to Moe's for dinner...and it's tough for me not to get meat at Moe's.  But this time I KNOW what I'm doing, so that makes the sin the greater...So am I the "World's Best Mom?"  Or am I the "World's Worst Catholic?"  *SIGH*  I guess I'll go ponder that while eating steak...

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