Saturday, October 27, 2012

All hail Synovia!

So some of you may be aware that one of my 3 yo twins was diagnosed with a mild case of Toxic Synovitis.  It's not that serious, especially if we convince her to sit and rest (HAHAHAHAHAHA!).  It's located in her left knee, so she can't walk on it.  We give her Motrin and let her watch all the TV she wants, which means she would rather do ANYTHING that watch TV (or color or read or sing songs or play board games...)  As I've typed this paragraph (and I type pretty fast) she's already tried to walk four times.

We were just diagnosed yesterday afternoon, and already we are a bit stir crazy and challenged.  This is our favorite time of year!  We want to be outside, picking apples, going to Halloween parties, playing and enjoying activities (note the word active there).  It's really hard for Twin B because as of right now she has no symptoms, and she might not get sick, but I need to keep her on the calm side so her twin isn't encouraged to run around.  So I thought, "Hey, let's take the stroller and go to the shopping center to run some errands!"  Perfect, right?  They are contained but getting to see something other than our four walls, and maybe I can have minor human interactions.  Whoohoo!

....Seriously?  What was I thinking?...

The problem wasn't the girls.  I mean, they didn't like being contained, but they were fairly willing to go along if it meant they were out of the house.  No, it was explaining WHY my girls were in a stroller.  See, we picked the day to go to the shopping center that was having a Halloween festival.  And somehow, despite my best efforts, I ended up having to constantly explain WHY they were in a stroller.

"She has WHAT?"  Toxic Synovitis
"What is that?"  It's a virus that travels to a joint.  In this case it's her knee.  
"A virus?  In her knee?  Seriously?  I didn't know that could happen!"  Hmmm...join the club
 "Does it sneeze?  Do you have to blow it?"  Oh ha ha!  That was funny the first 15 times I heard it...want to ask me if they are twins?  
"She can't walk?  Why can she move the knee?"  Apparently it depends on where it attacks the joint as to how much it affects a person.  In her case she can't bear weight on her lower leg or foot, but crawling or this weird butt scoot she's got going on (that is going to destroy all her pants) doesn't affect her.  
"Let's see her try to walk."  Oh, sure, because I'm sure you've got far more experience diagnosing and treating T.S. than the doctor who sees several cases a year...

And my personal favorite: "Was it named after her?"

Really?  You think this condition is named after my kid?  I mean, not that it's not possible.  But let's be real - people look at me and think, "¿Que Paso?"  They look at my kid, and think she's named after something that sounds like a minor Mid-European principality halfway between Bavaria and the French Riviera?  Why yes, this is my daughter Synovia.  And her twin Genovia.  They are famous for pears...

And there was the last hurdle I encountered that made me want to crack some skulls: Candy.  I have to tell you, if you have to catch T.S., avoid doing so on Halloween...or Christmas, Valentines day, Easter...see a pattern?  In addition to rest and Motrin, the other part of the protocol is to avoid dairy and...*ding ding ding!*  SUGAR!!

"Aww, poor girl.  Does she want some candy?"  That's so sweet of you, but she really needs to avoid sugar right now.
"But it's HALLOWEEN!"  What the...are you serious?  Like in a couple of days?  Like with costumes and everything?  Is THAT why there's candy for sale everywhere?  OOOOH!  That explains all the orange and black, doesn't it?!?!?

No s*%$, people, but trust me...if I take care of her, she'll be around for many MORE Halloweens.  And as much as I hate to do it, no kid dies from a dietary reduction of refined white sugar.  In fact, it may ultimately behoove her diet to do so.  Hmmm, might help yours, too...

So we're going to spend the rest of the day and tomorrow at the house.  If she continues to have problems walking by Monday I take her to the doctor.  Hopefully her twin doesn't manifest signs of the illness in the next 24 hours.  Provided I can keep her from walking the virus shouldn't spread and we should get better.

Twin A specializes in taking her illnesses to the next level, doesn't she?

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Mother Goose gets an update

Once there was a young woman who lived in a binder
(She was in the 47% so Romney couldn't find her)
As a teacher she struggled to align with common core
She revised her lessons 'til exhausted and sore
Regarding politicians, she had nary a doubt!
"To fix this whole mess, throw them all out!"
The moral of the story, to make matters worse,
When you give Congress the chance, they'll vote themselves the purse!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

World's Meanest Mom...again...

Cruel mother that I am, I required that the twins sit on the potty before we left to pick up big sister from the bus.  I figured they could sit for 15 minutes and...who knows?  Twin B is starting to show success, although Twin A is hit-or-miss.  I suggested that to pass the time they could sing together.  Twin B was quite amenable to the entire situation, but Twin A wasn't having it.  She'll be DAMNED if she does ANYTHING without a fight.  I mean ANYTHING.  We are so incredibly, painfully, awfully 3...

Twin B gets to work immediately and begins to sing the Alphabet song.  Twin A?  She stomps her feet.  She protests, moaning and grunting about the injustice of it all.  She goes boneless.  I offer her the choice of sitting on her potty or a spanking.  She relents slightly, going to her potty, although she lets me know in NO uncertain terms that the Geneva Convention would NOT consider this appropriate...

Twin B is now singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider."  Twin A is bending over to examine the floor as though it is suddenly of incredibly interest.  I tell Twin A to sit up and sing.  She sits up slightly, whines, and flops over on her side.  Again, I tell her to sit up and sing.  Frankly, I don't care if she sings.  However, when their minds are on something other than urinating I find they actually complete the deed.  I also find a higher success rate when they are sitting well as a lower potential for needing to clean the floor and surrounding areas...

Twin A isn't having it.  She is enduring this torture, but she's not about to go without a fight.  I'm really losing my temper.  All three of my kids are in this phase where nothing can go unchallenged.  Apparently they don't agree with Socrates - re-examination of your life every 7 years (or 5, or whatever) just isn't soon enough.  It should be every 3 months! I am doing my best to be patient, but we're in what my mom calls the "Chopped-Liver" phase.  Every day all I hear is, "Where's Daddy? (or Gama or Gapa or Uncle Tim or Aunt Glynda or ANYONE BUT YOU, MOM!!!)"  Logically, I get it.  Emotionally, I've had it.  Just once it would be nice to be appreciated.  And big sister is HARD CORE into this helpless, ditzy phase.  "Oh?  We keep it there?  In the same place it has been since I was born?  And I just used it 20 minutes ago?  But how was I supposed to know where it is?  And can you get it for me?  'Cause I'm just SO HELPLESS..."  *bat bat*

OK, so enough of a pity party.  Twin B has moved on to "Swinging on a Star."  I am folding clothing as this is going on, and I've decided that Twin A WILL SING EVEN IF IT KILLS HER!!!  So I reach out with the t-shirt in my hand and wave it at her head, intending to brush her pony tail, and say, "START SINGING RIGHT NOW!!"  Only...I miss.  I brush her ear.  And perhaps "brush" is a bit kind of a term.  "Swack" might have a slightly truer ring.  Don't call DFACS!  It was an accident.  They'll take her away...oh...wait...

Twin A is SHOCKED!  She grabs her ear and sits up straight, sucking in air.  She wails for a second.  And then she starts belting out "Swinging on a Star" as though there is no tomorrow.  I mean, SCREAMING this song.  "A PIG IS AN ANIMAL WITH DIRT ON HIS FACE...*deeeeeeeeep breath*....HIS SHOES ARE A TERRIBLE DISGRACE!"  She yells it so loudly that Twin B falls off her potty in shock.  I can't help it.  I bury my face in the t-shirt and laugh so hard I'm crying.  Where is my video recorder when I need it?!?  Twin B gingerly returns to her potty and resumes singing, although at a much softer level than her sister...who is trying to be heard in New York, apparently.

Oh I am so MEAN!  ;-)

FYI:  Yes, they both peed in their potties before time was up.  Wouldn't you?