Thursday, September 27, 2012

I'm a WHAT?!?

Today's conversation with the twins: 
B: Mommy is a cow!
Mom: WHAT? Excuse me!
A: A cow! Mommy is a cow! And Gama! Gama is a cow, too.
B: And Gapa is a donkey!
A: Uncle Tim is a pig! 
B: Daddy is a...a...a CHICKEN!!!
(Hysterical laughter)
Mom: What are A & B? 
B: We just kids...but big sister is a dog!!!

I swear...the only people who could call me a cow and still be walking...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Reason #72 we love Gama

Once a week my mother, the twin, and I go to a chiropractor.  This guy awesome - he has been treating my mom and I for years, and he has treated the twins since they were 6 months (C since 18 months).  Afterwards, we typically either go out for lunch or go to Gama's house.  Today we went to BK, because nothing says "fine cuisine" like a plastic indoor playground.  

Three is one of those ages that leaves you laughing in hysterics one minute and shrieking with anger the next.  The twins are ALL over the map.  And of course, we're working on important skills, like sharing, anger management, arguing with Mommy is extraordinarily bad for your health, and potty training (yes, we're behind - make a snide comment, and guess who's gonna come to my house and take over their training?).  

So after lunch the girls are up in their gerbil tubes, and mom whispers to me, "I feel like a little something sweet.  Want to share some ice cream?"  Well, heck, there isn't much you could smother in hot fudge that I would refuse...ok, well, that sort of came out wrong, but...I mean...

Moving on.

She quietly leaves the room and goes in line.  About 20 second later, two little voices pipe up, "Where is Gama?  Is Gama in line?  Is she getting ice cream.  She's getting ice cream, isn't she?  She's getting US ice cream."  Now, yes, probably some sharing would go on between the four of us, but at the same time...two sugar-crazed preschoolers?  Yikes!  So I say, "Yes, she is."  (What, like I'm gonna deny it and they're gonna believe it?  They are their mother's children.  More like their Gapa's kids.  They can SMELL fudge and ice cream from two miles away).  "BUT," I continue, "It's for GAMA, not for you."

There is silence, and then you can almost FEEL the craftiness pervade the area.  Gama deny her two darling little granddaughters?  Oh please.  In their world, that isn't even a possibility.  But somehow Mommy has to be convinced.  I hear scrabbling as they crawl down the slide.  They shoot each other that "you can read my mind 'cause you're my twin" look, and then Twin A sidles up to me.  Laying her head on my arm adoringly, she says, "But Gama LOVES to share with us.  And sharing is 'portant, right, Mommy?"

Hoist on my own petard...

If you give a...

If you give a kid a magnifying glass, you'll have to explain that this is glass, and we take very good care of glass objects.
If you finish your explanation to the child hopping from foot to foot, chances are she'll want to go outside.
If she goes outside, she'll need to put on sandals.
If she puts on sandals, she'll realize that she's outgrown them in the past week.
If she's outgrown them, she'll need to launch a housewide search for the ONLY pair of sandals she's sure still fit.
If she finds those shoes, she'll want to go outside.
If she goes outside, she'll want her magnifying glass.
If she starts looking around, she'll probably check out the hummingbird feeder.
If she checks out the hummingbird feeder, she'll probably notice the praying mantis sitting on there.
If she notices the praying mantis, her mother will probably remind her of the character in "Bug's Life" named Manny.
If her mother reminds her of the movie she JUST SAW THE OTHER DAY, chances are the child won't remember it.
If she stares blankly at her mothers and huffs, she'll probably wake the mantis up.
If it wakes up, it will probably resume eating the other half of the bee clutched in it's pincer.
If it eats the bee, she'll probably get grossed out.
If she gets grossed out, she won't be able to look away, 'cause it's that kind of grossed-out that is really cool, too, and you know you can't look away from that...I mean, it's kind of like when you know you shouldn't look at a wreck on the side of the road, but you do anyways, 'cause who knows what kind of - sorry...
If she looks at it long enough, she'll probably make so many, "Eeeww...yuck!" noises 'til her parents tell her to look at something else and STOP COMPLAINING!
If she stops complaining, her parents will know she's dead, so that's never gonna happen...
If she continues complaining, she'll probably be sent inside for dinner.
If she goes inside, she'll probably use the magnifying glass to whack one of her sisters.
And if she uses it to whack one of her sisters, chances are you'll have to explain that it is glass, and we take very good care of glass objects...
And chances are, she won't be listening, because she'll be hopping from foot to foot again...
And reminding her mother about the movie "Bug's Life" that they saw the other day that had a mantis in it.