Wednesday, September 19, 2012

If you give a...

If you give a kid a magnifying glass, you'll have to explain that this is glass, and we take very good care of glass objects.
If you finish your explanation to the child hopping from foot to foot, chances are she'll want to go outside.
If she goes outside, she'll need to put on sandals.
If she puts on sandals, she'll realize that she's outgrown them in the past week.
If she's outgrown them, she'll need to launch a housewide search for the ONLY pair of sandals she's sure still fit.
If she finds those shoes, she'll want to go outside.
If she goes outside, she'll want her magnifying glass.
If she starts looking around, she'll probably check out the hummingbird feeder.
If she checks out the hummingbird feeder, she'll probably notice the praying mantis sitting on there.
If she notices the praying mantis, her mother will probably remind her of the character in "Bug's Life" named Manny.
If her mother reminds her of the movie she JUST SAW THE OTHER DAY, chances are the child won't remember it.
If she stares blankly at her mothers and huffs, she'll probably wake the mantis up.
If it wakes up, it will probably resume eating the other half of the bee clutched in it's pincer.
If it eats the bee, she'll probably get grossed out.
If she gets grossed out, she won't be able to look away, 'cause it's that kind of grossed-out that is really cool, too, and you know you can't look away from that...I mean, it's kind of like when you know you shouldn't look at a wreck on the side of the road, but you do anyways, 'cause who knows what kind of - sorry...
If she looks at it long enough, she'll probably make so many, "Eeeww...yuck!" noises 'til her parents tell her to look at something else and STOP COMPLAINING!
If she stops complaining, her parents will know she's dead, so that's never gonna happen...
If she continues complaining, she'll probably be sent inside for dinner.
If she goes inside, she'll probably use the magnifying glass to whack one of her sisters.
And if she uses it to whack one of her sisters, chances are you'll have to explain that it is glass, and we take very good care of glass objects...
And chances are, she won't be listening, because she'll be hopping from foot to foot again...
And reminding her mother about the movie "Bug's Life" that they saw the other day that had a mantis in it.

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