Post on Facebook Monday, July 18, 2011 at 7:04pm
So today we just HAD to buy a new backpack. You know, one that is "cool," not one that has icky Disney Princesses all over it. I mean, come on, she's like, totally 6, and like, Disney Princesses are totally o-u-t. Only like babies like them...well, to be fair, her room is covered in Princesses. Unfortunately, she was in a class last year of kids who were mostly second and third children, and apparently to be 6 now means you must like Barbie...Justin Bieber...or (far worse...) Hanna Montana...
We struck a deal. After counting out her allowance (which isn't much), we decided that she would pay for half of the backpack, and we'd pay for the other half. BUT (you knew there was a but, right? It's a mom's prerogative) it could not have ANY character's or celebrity's face on it. "AW MOM!!" Yep, I knew I was on the right track. I am not going to buy her a new backpack every year. She has a perfectly decent one bought two years ago, and I'm not made of money. It doesn't grow on trees, does it? Sorry...channeling childhood conversations...
So what does an accumulation of $12 buy you? Well, I'll tell you what it DOESN'T buy you, a trip to anywhere other than Walmart. That's right...the EVIL EMPIRE. Now honestly, I don't like shopping at Walmart. I know all of the allegations and abuses, the abandoned buildings, the issues...but I have one income, three kids, and a postage-stamp sized house. I'm attempting this couponing thing, but I can't tell if it's going well right now...so sometimes you bite the bullet and do what you have to do...and sometimes you get hoist on your own petard. That's why I don't like munitions and guns in the house...
So Monday we just HAVE to get this backpack. I checked around online, and determined that *sigh* Walmart really was the best choice. Ugh...just what I was hoping to do on Monday. I go through the sale pages and prepare to buy what I need, clipping coupons (saved $6.30), making a list...staying up WAY too late. Got up WAY too late Monday morning - not an auspicious start.
We've finished breakfast. The girls have their shoes on. We're all ready to head out. Did I print that last coupon? Oh crap! Stop fussing! It will only take a minute. I mean, it's ONE coupon. I already have the coupon printer installed...on the other computer...oh dang...do I go boot up the other machine, or just install on the machine where I'm sitting? The great dilemma. I can tell you now, no matter what you choose, it is the WRONG choice. I went with installation on a new computer. One hour later I'm SCREAMING with FURY at this STUPID COMPUTER and PROGRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, sorry, deep breath...and now it's been an hour and a half since I fed the girls, meaning the twins are already talking about "crackers" and "lunch." So I make peanut butter sandwiches, toss everyone in the - B, what do you mean you lost your shoe? Seriously? We just walked from the house to the van? Where is it? On the other side of the yard? How the HECK did you manage that? I don't - where's A? She was in the van a minute ago...what do you mean she wiggled out of her straps? What do you mean you SAT THERE AND WATCHED HER DO IT?!?!? No, you can't go to the - oh crap! Why didn't you go bef - JUST GO!
Another 30 minutes later, we're finally on the road, and mom's pretty, uh...perturbed. We get to Walmart, where the backpack ends up being the EASIEST part of the day. She got a really cute one that's bigger than her current one and has very nice features - attached lunchbag, clear pocket with matching notebook, pencil, and ruler...very reasonably priced and by a reputable name...OK, well, that's done with...We buy a few other school supplies, pay, and are about to leave when a ruler and two packages of notecards falls out. What the? We're escorted primly back in by the greeter at the front door to face an interrogation by the manager...No, I'm not shoplifting $1.50 worth of stuff while paying for the other $25 worth...I didn't realize they were in there...the babies must have tossed them in...I'm sorry, but you see, there are two and...yes, I do watch them, but as I said, there are two...yes, they are twins...no, I swear I'm not - oh, yes, identical...both girls...even the one wearing purple, thank you...oh gee, thank you SO MUCH for going easy on me this time. Goodness, I thought it was Federal prison for sure...
Then it dawns on me - I have a whole other shopping list that totally slipped my mind. I won't bore you with the next hour and a half that includes my daughters pushing the cart into some man and nearly injuring him, screaming bloody murder with boredom, and being informed primly by TWO Walmart employees that THEIR children would never have behaved like that (The mean part of me always wants to ask, "Oh how wonderful for you - how often do your kids write/call?")...we get back to the front, and the cashier says, "Oh look, it's the twin shoplifters!" Goodie...a label...
We get home, to find the garage door WON'T OPEN...I smack the opener, wiggle the battery...no avail. I call my DH - where's the closest place to get a new battery? Oh no, seriously? You have to be kidding me...no way I'm going back to the same one! So it's off to a different Walmart (their electronics section has the most unbelievable selection of batteries!). You can imagine the state of my kids (not to mention me) by now. We're almost free, when we get stopped for "the conversation." Yes, they are twins...yes, identical...yup, sure do look alike...both girls...three girls...nope, not IVF...I'd love to bust your romanticized notion of twins, but I'm seriously out of time. Sorry, I can't hear you over the screaming...
This morning, I decided I was NOT going to go through a fast food place if I could help it...I couldn't help it. We're dying by now. I don't know if we'll be able to get into the house. So I run through McDonald's and head home. My DH is cutting grass for my parents, so he won't be home until late, and if we can't get in, I'm just going up there. I install the new battery, push the button...oh no, seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY?!? GEEEEAAAAUGH!!! So I do that thing where you smack it in desperation...and up goes the door. YES!!!!
I'm home, we're fed, the girls have destroyed the living room in a ridiculously short time, and I've got so much to do...but at least I had french fries... ;-)
So today we just HAD to buy a new backpack. You know, one that is "cool," not one that has icky Disney Princesses all over it. I mean, come on, she's like, totally 6, and like, Disney Princesses are totally o-u-t. Only like babies like them...well, to be fair, her room is covered in Princesses. Unfortunately, she was in a class last year of kids who were mostly second and third children, and apparently to be 6 now means you must like Barbie...Justin Bieber...or (far worse...) Hanna Montana...
We struck a deal. After counting out her allowance (which isn't much), we decided that she would pay for half of the backpack, and we'd pay for the other half. BUT (you knew there was a but, right? It's a mom's prerogative) it could not have ANY character's or celebrity's face on it. "AW MOM!!" Yep, I knew I was on the right track. I am not going to buy her a new backpack every year. She has a perfectly decent one bought two years ago, and I'm not made of money. It doesn't grow on trees, does it? Sorry...channeling childhood conversations...
So what does an accumulation of $12 buy you? Well, I'll tell you what it DOESN'T buy you, a trip to anywhere other than Walmart. That's right...the EVIL EMPIRE. Now honestly, I don't like shopping at Walmart. I know all of the allegations and abuses, the abandoned buildings, the issues...but I have one income, three kids, and a postage-stamp sized house. I'm attempting this couponing thing, but I can't tell if it's going well right now...so sometimes you bite the bullet and do what you have to do...and sometimes you get hoist on your own petard. That's why I don't like munitions and guns in the house...
So Monday we just HAVE to get this backpack. I checked around online, and determined that *sigh* Walmart really was the best choice. Ugh...just what I was hoping to do on Monday. I go through the sale pages and prepare to buy what I need, clipping coupons (saved $6.30), making a list...staying up WAY too late. Got up WAY too late Monday morning - not an auspicious start.
We've finished breakfast. The girls have their shoes on. We're all ready to head out. Did I print that last coupon? Oh crap! Stop fussing! It will only take a minute. I mean, it's ONE coupon. I already have the coupon printer installed...on the other computer...oh dang...do I go boot up the other machine, or just install on the machine where I'm sitting? The great dilemma. I can tell you now, no matter what you choose, it is the WRONG choice. I went with installation on a new computer. One hour later I'm SCREAMING with FURY at this STUPID COMPUTER and PROGRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, sorry, deep breath...and now it's been an hour and a half since I fed the girls, meaning the twins are already talking about "crackers" and "lunch." So I make peanut butter sandwiches, toss everyone in the - B, what do you mean you lost your shoe? Seriously? We just walked from the house to the van? Where is it? On the other side of the yard? How the HECK did you manage that? I don't - where's A? She was in the van a minute ago...what do you mean she wiggled out of her straps? What do you mean you SAT THERE AND WATCHED HER DO IT?!?!? No, you can't go to the - oh crap! Why didn't you go bef - JUST GO!
Another 30 minutes later, we're finally on the road, and mom's pretty, uh...perturbed. We get to Walmart, where the backpack ends up being the EASIEST part of the day. She got a really cute one that's bigger than her current one and has very nice features - attached lunchbag, clear pocket with matching notebook, pencil, and ruler...very reasonably priced and by a reputable name...OK, well, that's done with...We buy a few other school supplies, pay, and are about to leave when a ruler and two packages of notecards falls out. What the? We're escorted primly back in by the greeter at the front door to face an interrogation by the manager...No, I'm not shoplifting $1.50 worth of stuff while paying for the other $25 worth...I didn't realize they were in there...the babies must have tossed them in...I'm sorry, but you see, there are two and...yes, I do watch them, but as I said, there are two...yes, they are twins...no, I swear I'm not - oh, yes, identical...both girls...even the one wearing purple, thank you...oh gee, thank you SO MUCH for going easy on me this time. Goodness, I thought it was Federal prison for sure...
Then it dawns on me - I have a whole other shopping list that totally slipped my mind. I won't bore you with the next hour and a half that includes my daughters pushing the cart into some man and nearly injuring him, screaming bloody murder with boredom, and being informed primly by TWO Walmart employees that THEIR children would never have behaved like that (The mean part of me always wants to ask, "Oh how wonderful for you - how often do your kids write/call?")...we get back to the front, and the cashier says, "Oh look, it's the twin shoplifters!" Goodie...a label...
We get home, to find the garage door WON'T OPEN...I smack the opener, wiggle the battery...no avail. I call my DH - where's the closest place to get a new battery? Oh no, seriously? You have to be kidding me...no way I'm going back to the same one! So it's off to a different Walmart (their electronics section has the most unbelievable selection of batteries!). You can imagine the state of my kids (not to mention me) by now. We're almost free, when we get stopped for "the conversation." Yes, they are twins...yes, identical...yup, sure do look alike...both girls...three girls...nope, not IVF...I'd love to bust your romanticized notion of twins, but I'm seriously out of time. Sorry, I can't hear you over the screaming...
This morning, I decided I was NOT going to go through a fast food place if I could help it...I couldn't help it. We're dying by now. I don't know if we'll be able to get into the house. So I run through McDonald's and head home. My DH is cutting grass for my parents, so he won't be home until late, and if we can't get in, I'm just going up there. I install the new battery, push the button...oh no, seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY?!? GEEEEAAAAUGH!!! So I do that thing where you smack it in desperation...and up goes the door. YES!!!!
I'm home, we're fed, the girls have destroyed the living room in a ridiculously short time, and I've got so much to do...but at least I had french fries... ;-)
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