Thursday, April 17, 2014

Now that's some magic!

Tonight I went to Red Robin with my parents and daughters for dinner.  After enjoying a yummy burger, I recognized nature's call, and excused myself to heed it.  As I walked into the restroom, a woman and her approximately five year old daughter preceded me through the door. 

I are already wondering if you should exit this page.  No, it's OK - it's not exactly that kind of post.  It's a different type of toilet humor. 

The woman and her daughter took the larger handicapped stall, and I took the stall to their left.  I hear the woman attempting to get her daughter to go about her business after shooing out the very dangerous and terrifying flying critter (read fly) that her daughter was certain was in there to attack her.  For a moment there is relative peace and quiet outside of the rock and roll humming quietly over the speakers.  And then...

"MOMMY!" the little girl gasps, "THE TOILET PAPER MOVED BY ITSELF!!  IT'S MAGIC!!"

A split second pause, followed by the mom's response, "Yeah, honey, it moved.'s magic.  Just go, OK?"

Unbeknownst to the mom, our toilet paper dispensers are set into the same wall.  When I pull my paper, their paper moves.  The mom's response indicates she has no idea...

Another moment of silence, then the mother says, "OK, are you done?  Let's get some paper."  She reaches down...and I pull again on my side.

"OH SHIT!"  The mom screams, flinging herself against the back wall.  "IT MOVED!  Oh...Oh sh-don't tell your daddy I said that.  What the hell????"  The little girl starts giggling.  

The mother slowly creeps forward.  Due to my position in the stall, and the paper roll on her side being nearly empty, there is now a space between our rolls through which I can see her.  It's one of those things most people would politely ignore.  But right now, it works to my advantage.  She peers at the paper, getting her nose and inch away...and suddenly focuses on a set of eyes staring right back at her. 

"HOLY SHIT!"  She screams again.  "What the - don't you tell your daddy I said that!  What the hell?" 

I'm laughing so hard at this point.  "I'm sorry," I say, "but it was just too funny." 

She glares at me.  "You bi - what..." Recognizing the humor, she calms down.  "I can't believe you did that!"  She breaks into an unwilling chuckle as I wipe the tears of laughter. 

I thought it prudent to wait until she and her daughter exited the restroom before leaving the stall.  I don't know what she told her daddy... 

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