Monday, March 12, 2012

The untapped potential of the hunter...

This morning I was jolted out of sleep by the sound of a loud emergency beep sound.  Stumbling into the living room I find the TV on and the required weekly test of the emergency broadcast blaring into the initially quiet house.  Yes, I was sleeping in - leave me alone.  Realizing my husband must not have turned it off before he left for work for whatever reason, I walk over to the unit and push the round button, slightly larger than the rest, to discontinue usage.  The remote control dependent may not realize this, but most electronics have this back-up fail safe somewhere on them called "POWER BUTTONS."

My DH forgets sometimes to turn off the TV in the morning.  We've talked about it, and he's asked me to mention to him when he forgets because he wants to make sure he turns it off.  I figure I can tell him when he gets home.  No biggie. 

He calls me today around lunch time to check in, and after exchanging pleasantries, he says, "Do me a favor and find the remote control, please?"  Not having had time to turn on the TV, I say, "OK..." doing a quick scan of the room.  I look on top of the coffee table, then I look AROUND the floor of the tabl-oh hey!  Look at that!  Remote on the floor! 
"Found it!" I say happily. 
"Where?" he demands. 
"On the floor in front of the coffee table near the TV..." 
"NO WAY!" he retorts, irritated.  "That's not possible!"  Ummm...and yet here it is in my hand..."I looked EVERYWHERE." 
Refraining from responding, "Well, not EVERYWHERE," I say, "It probably just fell off.  That's probably why you forgot to turn the TV off this morning.  Was it a crazy morning with the time change and all?" 
(Huffing from the other end of the line) "No, but I am telling you I looked.  I know you think I never look, but I really did.  It had to be under the table and the babies pulled it out or something..."

It's the age old issue: How do you get a man to look for something like the remote control?  His solution is to look to this left, look to the right, check the coffee table...and then yell, "Honey?  Where's the remote?"  I mean, evolutionarily speaking isn't he supposed to be the hunter?  Doesn't he kill the game and then provide for his family?  But he can't find the remote?  And then it dawned on me: he doesn't see it as wild game.  If he did, he'd always know where it was.  So that got me thinking...

What if I tied a piece of meat to the remote?  I'm not sure if jerky would work, because it's not fresh enough.  Lunch meat might have a similar issue.  So tie a piece of meat to the remote.  Can't you just picture it now?  He walks in from work, then freezes...he smells something...some animal...the vestigial parts of his brain kick into gear.  It's either prey, or a predator with a fresh he has to either kill it to feed it to his family, or protect his family from the predator...then steal the kill and use it to feed his family.  Warily, he enters the family room, looking slowly from left to right.  Instinctively crouched (and therefore slightly closer to the floor), he cautiously steps further and further into the smells like it's coming from under the couch.  Moving with great care he approaches the couch...slowly...slowly...WHAM!  He throws the couch onto it's back while simultaneously snatching his prey!  He's caught it!  Look at him!  He's providing for his family!!  He's a mighty hunter!

Trotting into the kitchen, remote dangling from his hand, he tosses it before me on the island where I'm cooking dinner.  "'Sup?" he says, casually.  "Found the remote."  Oh yes, proud of his accomplishment, he turns on his heel and heads to the bedroom to change clothes.  And a Dos Equis.  Because he may not always drink beer, but when he does...

OK, admittedly this has some flaws...some really GROSS flaws, but you have to admit, nature has already programmed him to hunt.  All I'm doing is taking what nature gave me and making it pay off!

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